Dear Tyson,

Happy Birthday.  Go buy your own cake.  I am covered in boogers and throw up. 

Love, Wifey

Help

See the pictures below.  See the piece of crap wannabe swing set thing.  Could somebody come and set fire to it please..  I am begging.  And take the damn cat with ya too.

Trey's Birthday Party

Trey's birthday landed on MLK day this year.  No school.  So we held the party on Monday.  4 of Trey's friends came for his Scooby Doo party.  Have no clue why he wanted Scooy doo.  I stayed up til one on Friday night designing a gingerbread, haunted house for the cake.  Have I ever mentioned I flunked art.  I suck.  Totally pathetic at anything art related.  I can't cut a straight line to save my life.  Yeah well had this haunted house pimped out, even had a light on the inside and scary ghosts behind curtains.  Well it was pimped out until Ledger came and pulled the cord from the light inside.  It crashed into a gabillion pieces.  Total suckeroo.  Fine..  Whatever.  Went to walmart.  Bought some paint and construction paper.  Decided to stick to a medium I know.  Cardboard and duct tape.  Spent way less time, haunted house turned out way pimper.  Printed the characters from the show.  Okay so it's not like I will be putting Cake Boss out of business....ever.  Trey liked it.  Hid the cake.  Gave the kids clues to find the cake.  Had 16 year old neighbor dress like ghost.    The clues led the kids outside where the 16 yr old neighbor was to run around scared of little meddling kids, and mad because they found him.  Get last clue.  Eat cake.  Went more like 16 yr olf neighbor scarred the shiz out of kids, kids came running in house crying, didn't want last clue, and found cake anyway.  Tyson had to pretend beat up the ghost to redeem ourselves.  The kid in the red running for dear life is Trey.  The end.

My Favorite Five Year Old

Treyton Connor Downs

This guy is my favorite five year old.  Born on January 18, 2005.  Eight days before his official due date.  An absolute nightmare to push out.  Great baby, hardly fussed.  That was the quickest 5 years of my life. 

Obsceneness

Took the kids to Arby's last night.  Sick of all the puking, had to get out of the house.  I mean really what better to settle a stomach then some over priced fast food.  An otherwise shatty day had a funny ending when Trey brought me these, and asked me to help make his Superman bobble head toy thing that came with his meal.  What kind of pornographic, finger flipping super hero did my kids get I wondered?? 

Ledger Tyson Downs

Today we are celebrating the birthday of our favorite one year old!  What a great kid.  So far.  It was one year ago on January 12, around 3:30 am when I woke up from a dream.  A dream where Tyson was driving me down the old washboard dirt backroads of Nebraska.  I was begging him to slow down because I was peeing my pants.  I awake to a soaked bed confused whether I had done just as I had in my dream and peed, or if my water broke.  So I did the trusty ole sniff test.  What the H*LL is that?  I gently nudge Tyson awake.  "Smell this," I say.  "What?" He replies.  After a few minutes of convincing him he returned with the same bewildered face I had?  What the H*ll?  That's not pee.  It couldn't be my water breaking.  I had been up for like 10 minutes now, and I had not felt at thing.  No trickling, no gushing, no contractions. What to do, what to do?  I turn to my true friend the internet.  All the birthing sites said that amniotic fluid smelled either sweet, or earthy?  What the heck is earthy?  That smell is NOT sweet, but earthy??  I was confused.  I didn't want to go all the way to Meridian to be checked just to be sent home.  What about Trey and Nix?  It was like 4 in the morning now.  I decided to call the hospital.  I was told to come in and get checked on out.  Yeah right.  I return to the internet.  Finally, a chat room where I find one person that refers to the smell of her fluid, to the exact smell that i am smelling.  (If you want to know ask me, it's gross.)  Then I see someone say to rub some of the fluid on a mirror or glass surface, if it crystalizes it is amniotic fluid, if not it's pee.  Yep, I did that next.  Definitely crystals all over our bathroom mirror.  Frickity, frick, frick, who's going to watch our kids at 5 in the morning.  I know it took me awhile to convince myself.  Then the panic sets in.  Crap you are suppose to be at the hospital an hour after your water breaks, and I need to be on antibiotics for that stupid Strep B.  Crap, I'm not ever having contractions this is going to be a long labor.  Tyson is finally realizing this is the real deal.  He starts frantically calling people to come over and watch the boys.  Thankfully, my visiting teacher from church is able to come over.  Phew.  Then off to the hospital we go. 
We arrive and I talk to the same nurse that I talked to on the phone, who by-the-way, paused for a long, long time after I told her what I was smelling, put me on hold and came back and told me to just come in.  So there I am in the triage room.  I was sweating like no other for some reason .  She takes some little test strip to the pad I was wearing to see if it tested positive for fluid.  Nopers.  What the??  Then she tests some other fluid that is right you know where.  Oh yeah it's positive.   Does that get me admitted ? No.  What are these chicks crazy? Why they aren't just checking me I don't know.  I have been having contractions now since we left for the hospital.  So miss Head Nurse, with her smoke smelling self, decided to swab some more, readjust her nose ring ,and go look at it under a microscope.  Have fun I say as I spread them to a now very obvious display of water breaking, and all the other goodies that develop once you are in labor.  "Oh ,"she says.  "Well I'll go test this to be sure."  Moron I say.  Minutes later she comes back. Positive.  Duh.  Go have another smoke idiot.  Get my room, get checked oh you are at a 5.  It is like 8 now.  It seriously took that long for these dumb nurses to decide if water broke. Call my doctor who is on his way to work right across from the hospital.  Still contractions are so-so, but being my wussy self decide an epidural is greatly needed.  By 9:30 I am begging Tyson to check under the blanket because I know I am crapping all over the bed.  No pooh.  I ask him again.  Then saunter in my delivery nurses who, thankfully, are different.  One was new, so  she was shadowing the veteran.  I say to them I feel like I am totally going to take a huge crap.  "Uh, heheheh."  "Let's check you."  I knew he was right there.  I get so dang nervous when the time comes to puch the little critters out.  I know my life is over.  I know my crotch is going to hurt, my boobs are going to explode.  My stomach which is cute being pregnant, is going to be a disgusting flap of fat that doesn't fit into anything.  Can't I take it back.  Keep him in, I'm NOT in labor.  Just kidding.  Nope, doctor arrives 10:15.  I guess that parking lot is a bitch to get across.  How they keep him (baby) shoved up there I don't know.  Don't push they keep telling me.  Don't worry I really don't want to.  Pain is not my friend.   They suit up in there gear.  Jeez I wonder if I am shooting toxic sludge at them too or what.  What's with the face guards, and shields?  Whatever,  PUSH, PUSH, PUSH baby is here.  He is gorgeous.  7lb 8 oz 20".  Perfect.  I love him to pieces.  So happy my life is over.